I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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