In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
