A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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