She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
