I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
