he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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