A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
