You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
