so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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