so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
