Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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