I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
 go to hell.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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