The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
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