Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize