I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
