My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
