I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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