i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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