I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
