Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
