yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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