Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
