The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
