Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
