She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
