dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize