Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I fill condoms, not promises.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
