I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
