Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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