We're like a lot better than the average bears
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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