apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
