its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
