Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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