Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
