I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i barfeds in our rink
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
