How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
