I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
