Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
