So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
