smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I think I am morally bankrupt
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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