fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
