Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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