Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
