I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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