this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
