please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
