I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
