who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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