Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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