I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
