do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
