I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
