Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Randomize
