TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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