I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
