i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
