i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
