you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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