i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
