How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
