While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
