I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
