Only a mothe r could love this liver
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
