dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
