in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
