Your face is a jimmy john
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
