No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
