you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
