i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
