But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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