I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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