I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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