Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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