Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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