If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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