I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
