i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Did I show you my penis last night?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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