I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Randomize
