youre lurking in front of me
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
she looked like the before picture.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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