well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize