Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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